Wednesday, July 29, 2009

It's Gross!

My place of work is professional. Jeans are NOT an option. Closed toe shoes are the norm. But there is always that one rogue in the bunch. That one person who shuns society. That introvert that hates all that is decent and proper. We are never postive who that person is, they cover their hatred for society so well.

But you ask me, how do I know I work with such a person? Let me tell you how I know! THE PHANTOM TURD! Yes my friends, a random turd found floating alone in a toliet bowl. As if left by some miricle of nature. Some random act of God himself. But we all know God has nothing to do with this. It's horrific, it's scary, it's GROSS! Somebody, convinced themselves that leaving a random, lonely turd in the toliet would somehow be OK. That nobody would be replused and totally mortified at the near sight of this thing.

When I came upon such item, I believe a noise not normally found in nature came out of my mouth. I was shocked! Mind you, I always look at and in a toliet before using. Not too sure why I do, I just do. Maybe it is the countless things on the internet that suggests I may get bit on the ass at one point in my life. But the internet did not prepare me for a floating, phantom turd.

After my intial shock of seeing a turd that 1) wasn't my own or 2) that didn't come from my offspring. I spoke outloud, "oh, I'll get it".. in a tone reserved for most teenagers when asked to get something for you. I know nobody heard me, but I needed to express my disqust one way or another. Because, here is the deleima. I couldn't leave it there. If the next person that comes in and had seen me walk out, I would be forever pegged as the PHANTOM TURD BANDIT. Then I would forever be doing the "walk of shame" from the bathroom each day, and people, I drink a lot of water!

Now, I look around for any shifty eyes, or suspicious actions. I will locate the Phantom Turn Bandit and maybe give them a quick lesson in the art of toliet flushing!

-Katherine, AKA "TURD BUSTER"


Christina said...

At least your phantom turd landed in the toliet. We had a little phantom turd on the floor of the restroom one time! And the damn thing sat there for a week!!!

E said...

LOL OMG hilarious

Caitlin said...

LMAO...seriously that happens all to often at my place of work. Yesterday somebody must have had explosive diarrhea in the men's bathroom because there were little spots all over the toilet tank AND the wall. C'mon you gross people!!!

Allison said...


Amen, sister. Amen.

Pinkzombies said...


I actually laughed out loud when I read this in my cubicle. What a uplift to a boring Friday. Thanks.