Monday, June 29, 2009


What grown-ass woman doesn't know how to chew her food with her trap shut??


As I was finishing up my scrumptious wrap (yeah, those two words don't belong next to each other. How I miss my old pal, bread!), thoroughly enjoying being the only person in the break room, in she walks, heats up her McD's apple pie, and proceeds to wolf it down with her mouth wide open. Although she was on the other side of the room from me, I could hear it all in disgustingly perfect detail.

I literally had to fold up my newspaper and book it out of there ASAP. I just can't handle the sound of food swashing and smacking it's way around someone's oral cavity while I'm eating. Or actually, ever! *Shudder*


P.S. To this same woman, I'm calling you out - I know you were trying to race me out of the parking lot last Thursday!

P.P.S. I won!

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Yes, you should replace the empty toilet paper roll!

I live with one husband, one 23 year old step daughter and one 14 year old daughter. These are not children, they are well civilized members of society. Or so they should be!

Then why is it that the three of them collectively can not replace an empty toilet paper roll? Why do I have to yell, and stomp my feet down a flight of stairs to get them to realize that this CRAP ISN'T FUNNY! I swear I hear their giggly voices when I go into the bathroom to "do my business" and there isn't a roll of paper to be found! I have learned, never to assume there is paper on the roll, I always look. Because they think its even funnier, when I am trapped in the bathroom, and they all pretend they can't hear me screaming their God given names!

I have resorted to keeping mounds of TP supplies in each bathroom, but it never fails, when that mound gets empty the little bastards are unable to go into the garage and retrieve anymore.

So I am wondering if it is child abuse if I give each family member an allotted one roll of toilet paper each week, to be worn around their little scrawny necks. That one roll will be all they get for a week? I swear on Mr. Whipple's grave that I am about to go drastic on these heathens if they don't replace a simple toilet paper roll when it is empty.

Friday, June 5, 2009


Rule #1 to women whose friends are getting married:

Just because she was a bridesmaid in your wedding does not make her obligated to ask YOU to be a bridesmaid in hers.

Rule #2 to women whose friends are getting married:

If your friend, who was a bridesmaid in your wedding, asks you to fill a role in her wedding other than bridesmaid, you ARE NOT allowed to tell her how much it "hurts your feelings" that she didn't ask you to be a bridesmaid.

Seriously people. A woman doesn't get many opportunities in her life to play "Queen for a day," and have the world revolve around her. You were the bride in your wedding, and you got to have your way. Now you need to quit your whining and let THIS bride have her way, even if it means you don't get to be a bridesmaid.

It is not about you!


P.S. Being "honest" is not an acceptable excuse for being a rude b*tch. But I think that's a post for another day.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Hold It! - With a twist

Dear Teenage Lovestruck Boy,

I appreciate your belief that chivalry is not dead, and your desire to keep good manners alive by holding the door for your tiny girlfriend at the burger joint.

I simply ask that next time you might consider holding the OTHER door for her instead.

If only to save the kind woman sitting on the bench awaiting her food from an up-close and personal view of your hindquarters.


The kind woman sitting on the bench awaiting her food.


Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Hold it! Part Deux

Kitty! It is not a hard thing to do!

This is my all time, number one, top of the mountain, numero uno, BIG WINNER, pet peeve of all time. ( not really, there is more!). Is it so hard to stop for a moment, pause, and hold the door for a person? How about throw in a smile?

I have stuggled with a cup of coffee, purse, car keys, lunch, and a host of other crap in my hands, to have a fellow co-worker look over at me and practically race me to the door. What I hope happens is this fellow co-worker holds it open, greets me with a "good morning, do you need some help?" I wish that happens but, HECK NO! What does happen is this person rushes up a small set of stairs, uses their FOB to open the security monitor and then lets the door slam behind them, and leaves me with all my crap, my mouth open in disbelief and a bucket of curse words for them under my breath.

So to my fellow door openers. I salute you. I go out of my way to hold a door open, somedays I am thanked, and some days I am not. I am not in it for the glory, its a silent cause I choose. A type of martyr, I like to think of myself as the Joan Ark of door holders. But I ask of you my friends, take the time to hold the door open, smile, maybe even throw in a good morning, or good afternoon. You may not be appriciated, but you will know you have done something nice for someone.